Thursday, April 19, 2012

Thing Four: Without Breaking A Few Eggs

I'm bad at breakfast.

For one thing, I am not a morning person, like, at all, and I will choose an extra twenty minutes of sleep over all manner of morning tasks - makeup, breakfast, a reasonable hairstyle...being a hungry, disheveled, washed out mess is well worth hitting the snooze button for me.

Second of all, I take a medication that requires me to wait a full hour after taking it before I eat anything. So that's kind of difficult, particularly in conjunction with the whole more-sleep-is-worth-anything issue.

And thirdly, a lot of it just weirds me out. I do not understand maple syrup. I find the impulse to eat a ton of sugar immediately after awakening totally bizarre. And I don't eat pork at all, and I certainly don't eat weird ground-up pork products like sausage, and I find it even stranger that some people put syrup on their meats? I don't know. The whole thing is very alarming to me.

But I like eggs! And they're healthy, because they're full of protein. And I've been trying to more eggs. So first I started baking eggs inside avocados, and that was GREAT, but it takes a really long time for them to cook, and, you know see above re: sleep. So then I thought I would maybe try something faster, and I fried up some eggs, and they were also delicious, but they were really...just eggs. And that didn't feel very well-balanced. So then I decided I'd make an omelette, with some veggies in it? Or some scrambled eggs with some stuff stirred through it.

But I am apparently incapable of scrambling eggs/making a fluffy omelette. I know what to do in theory, with the adding of the milk or water, and the stirring, and then the more stirring once they're in the pan, but they just turn into...broken up fried eggs? It's very confusing! And I feel like a kitchen failure, not being able to make something so basic! I mean, I can make a lot of really complicated stuff, like meringues and Beef Wellington and fondue, but I can't make an omelette? I will never win Top Chef: My House that way, there's ALWAYS an omelette challenge!


  1. Wow, I can already help you with TWO of your things! Not only am I a headstand-whiz yoga teacher, I make SPECTACULAR eggs. It's about the only thing I do right in the kitchen!

  2. I can't help with the omelette, but scrambled eggs are one of the things I CAN make. Here's what I do:

    -get at least 2 eggs (basic rule of thumb: as many eggs as you want to eat + 1 for the pan)
    -break the eggs into a bowl
    -whisk them up (a fork works well too) until the contents of the bowl are yellow all through
    -add a touch of milk (club soda also works too, and will help make them fluffy) and whisk/stir again
    [optional step: add torn up bits of cheese or ham at this step. Probably other things would work too-- onions, peppers, etc.]
    -pour into a hot skillet
    -as soon as the egg starts to stick to the bottom of the skillet, scrape it across the skillet with a flat hard spatula
    -keep scraping until the eggs are done

    Hope this helps and isn't assvicey!